Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
