i already hear my dad disowning me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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