I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
