Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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