Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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