Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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