K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
