frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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