We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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