Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
