we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
