I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
