Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
