Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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