His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
