i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
