if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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