I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
