im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
