He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
