I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
