p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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