oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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