Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
