A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
