how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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