did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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