we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
