he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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