I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
