so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
