Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
