Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't like sucking hair
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
