I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
