I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
