New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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