On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
