i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize