a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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