And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
