Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
