i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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