Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
