I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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