You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
