I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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