Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
