He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
