What did we do last night that was yellow?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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