If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
