I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
