I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
