Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
