Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
