Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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