This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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