I'm jealous of your bromance
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
