last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
