I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
