if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
