i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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