So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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