he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
