Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize