I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he was CRYING into my vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
