6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
