i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
