I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
