under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
