I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have post one night stand depression
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
