I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
